At Children 1st Mediation, we understand that separating can be incredibly challenging, especially when conflict levels are high. You might be wondering how mediation can possibly help in such difficult circumstances. The answer lies in its unique approach.
A Space for More Than Just Practicalities
Family mediation stands out because it’s the only form of dispute resolution where you and your former partner can discuss both the practical arrangements for life after separation and the emotional difficulties that often fuel conflict. This is vital in high conflict situations because ending a romantic relationship doesn’t mean the end of your parenting partnership.
In mediation, our skilled family mediators can assist you with the tough conversations around dividing finances and creating plans for your children. Crucially, we can also address the often-overlooked topic of communication itself. Even once initial plans are in place, you will both need to navigate future parenting challenges and your children’s growth. If unhealthy communication patterns persist, these necessary conversations can become drawn out, delayed, and emotionally damaging – often meaning your children don’t receive the timely support they need.
Reflecting and Rebuilding Communication
A key part of mediation involves helping you and your co-parent reflect on what hasn’t worked in your communication before. More importantly, we focus on how to make communication work better moving forward. We can help you establish ground rules and boundaries for your interactions. Mediators are skilled at facilitating difficult, and sometimes emotionally charged, parenting conversations that may have previously escalated into arguments.
We model healthy dialogue, and the family mediators are skilled at encouraging you to consider each other’s perspectives. In mediation, we uphold an atmosphere of respect and help you recognise that while you won’t always agree, you can disagree respectfully and find solutions through compromise. These are powerful tools for resetting negative patterns and fostering a more cooperative dynamic.
Understanding Differences in Communication
Sometimes, conflict arises simply because people have different ways of communicating and managing disagreements. In Mediation, we often work with individuals who have varying levels of comfort with conflict. While mediation isn’t a magic fix, we can help you both reflect on your own communication style and that of your co-parent, and how these two styles interact. For example, someone who tends to be anxious or avoid conflict might find direct communication very uncomfortable, while someone who is very direct might become frustrated by perceived avoidance.
Becoming aware of these differences can significantly ease difficult dynamics. It allows for the recognition that, to effectively co-parent, both individuals may need to adapt to meet the other’s needs. For instance, someone who needs time to process information might require that space, while someone who prefers a more immediate approach might need reassurance that the issue will be addressed within a reasonable timeframe. Understanding these differences often opens the door to compromise.
The image below demonstrates how individuals can come to the table with different tendencies.
The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument https://www.bitesizelearning.co.uk/resources/thomas-kilmann-conflict-model
The Child’s Well-being: A Shared Goal through Mediation
It’s vital to remember that research shows us that ongoing parental conflict can put children at risk of unease, worry, loss of social skills, behavioural problems, and difficulties with their learning. Sadly, these effects can have long-term consequences, potentially impacting their future relationships and mental health.
The understanding that change is needed for the well-being of your children can be a powerful unifying force, even when trust between adults has broken down completely. In mediation, we actively work to identify this common ground and use it to facilitate positive change in your co-parenting relationship.
If you’re navigating a high conflict co-parenting situation, remember that family mediation offers a supportive and structured environment to help you find a better path forward, focusing on communication and ultimately, the best interests of your children.
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If you’re thinking about family mediation, Child Inclusive Mediation or just want to know more about your options, we’re here to help. Get in touch by calling us at 0330 33 22 488 or emailing info@children1stmediation.co.uk
Article Written by Nicola Watling – Family Mediator