Family mediation gives separating or divorcing couples a structured way to talk about children, money, property and other practical arrangements without asking a court to make every decision. You normally begin with a private Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). If mediation is safe and suitable and both people agree to continue, your mediator arranges mediation sessions where you identify what needs sorting out, share relevant information, explore possible solutions and work towards proposals you can both accept. The mediator remains impartial: they help the conversation, but they do not take sides or decide the outcome for you. Mediation can cover child arrangements, parenting plans, finances, property, pensions and maintenance, and sessions can take place together, separately or online depending on the circumstances. GOV.UK
The simplest way to think about family mediation: you and your former partner still make the decisions. The mediator provides the structure, keeps the discussion focused and helps you explore whether there is a workable way forward.
What is family mediation?
When a relationship ends, the emotional side of separation is only one part of what has to be dealt with.
There can suddenly be a long list of practical questions.
Where will the children live? How will they spend time with each parent? What happens at weekends, Christmas and during school holidays? Who stays in the family home? What happens to savings, debts or pensions? How will bills and other financial responsibilities be handled?
Trying to settle all of that when communication has already become difficult can be exhausting.
Family mediation is designed to give those conversations some structure.
A trained, independent mediator helps you and your ex-partner discuss the issues that need resolving and explore possible ways forward. The mediator does not take either person’s side and does not impose a decision. Government guidance describes mediation as a way to resolve arrangements involving children, finances and property, while the Family Mediation Council explains that mediators help both participants identify what needs dealing with, consider their options and make decisions jointly. GOV.UK
If you’re completely new to the subject, our guide to what mediation is explains the basics in more detail.
What can you actually mediate about?
Quite a lot.
Depending on your circumstances, mediation can be used to discuss matters such as:
- child arrangements, including where children live and the time they spend with each parent;
- school holidays, birthdays, Christmas and other important dates;
- communication and practical co-parenting arrangements;
- children’s living costs and financial support;
- the family home and other property;
- savings, investments and debts;
- pensions;
- maintenance;
- wider financial arrangements following separation or divorce; and
- practical issues where communication between family members has broken down.
Children 1st Mediation also works with families on parenting arrangements and wider financial issues arising from separation. Children 1st Mediation
So mediation isn’t simply a conversation about “who gets what”. For parents in particular, it can be about creating arrangements that are realistic enough to work on an ordinary Wednesday morning as well as on paper.
For more detail on this side of the process, see our dedicated guide to family and children mediation.
How does the family mediation process work?
Strip away the terminology and the family mediation process is easier to understand than it first appears.
A typical journey looks something like this:
- You contact a mediation service.
- You attend an initial private meeting, usually called a MIAM.
- The mediator considers whether mediation is safe and suitable.
- If it is suitable and everyone wishes to proceed, mediation sessions are arranged.
- You establish what needs to be resolved.
- Relevant information is gathered and shared where necessary — particularly for financial mediation.
- You discuss options and possible solutions.
- If you reach proposals you both accept, the outcome is recorded.
- Where appropriate, you can obtain independent legal advice and take further steps to make an agreement legally binding.
Not every family follows an identical path. Some cases concern children only. Others concern finances, or children and finances. Some people need only a relatively small number of issues resolving, while others have property, pensions and other assets and liabilities to work through.
The number of mediation sessions therefore varies. The Family Mediation Council says it usually takes around three to five meetings to reach agreement, although the actual number depends on what needs to be resolved. Children 1st Mediation’s own process similarly moves from the initial MIAM into joint mediation and, where appropriate, the development of a way forward or parenting plan. Family Mediation Council
The important point is that mediation is a process rather than a single meeting.
And the first proper step in that process has a name you’ll see repeatedly: MIAM.
Step 1: The MIAM — your first meeting with a mediator
MIAM stands for Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting.
The name sounds formal. The purpose is much simpler.
It is an initial meeting in which you can explain what’s happening, learn how family mediation works, discuss the issues that need sorting out and consider whether mediation is appropriate for your circumstances.
The Family Mediation Council describes the MIAM as the first meeting with a mediator. It is generally around an hour and gives you an opportunity to explain your situation before the mediator discusses the mediation process, possible alternatives and whether your case is suitable to proceed. Family Mediation Council
At Children 1st Mediation, the MIAM is described as the gateway to mediation and is conducted by a mediator accredited by the Family Mediation Council. Children 1st Mediation
What happens at a MIAM?
Think of it less as “the first negotiation” and more as the meeting before negotiations begin.
You are not expected to walk through the door — or join an online appointment — with every answer worked out.
Instead, the mediator needs to understand your circumstances.
That will usually involve discussing things such as:
- what has brought you to mediation;
- which issues are currently unresolved;
- whether those issues concern children, finances or both;
- what you would like to resolve;
- how communication currently works between you and your ex-partner;
- whether there are any safety or safeguarding concerns;
- whether mediation is likely to be safe and suitable; and
- what other forms of dispute resolution may be available if mediation is not appropriate.
It is also an opportunity for you to ask questions.
You might want to know how online mediation works, whether you need to sit in the same room as your former partner, what documents you will eventually need, how long mediation might take, or what happens if you cannot reach an agreement.
This initial assessment matters because family mediation is not automatically appropriate in every case.
Is the MIAM private?
The initial meetings are normally conducted separately. GOV.UK guidance on child arrangements states that each person generally attends their own MIAM, while Children 1st Mediation’s process also provides for meeting participants separately at this stage. GOV.UK
That gives you space to talk to the mediator about your situation without having to do so in front of your ex-partner.
It is particularly important when the mediator is assessing issues such as:
- domestic abuse;
- controlling or intimidating behaviour;
- safeguarding concerns;
- significant power imbalances;
- whether each person feels able to participate freely; and
- whether a different format would make mediation safer or more workable.
A mediator’s job isn’t to push two people into a room together at all costs.
Their first responsibility is to assess the circumstances and determine whether mediation is appropriate.
Do I have to attend a MIAM before going to family court?
For many relevant family court applications in England and Wales, an applicant is normally required to attend a MIAM before making the application, unless a valid exemption applies. The Family Procedure Rules specifically set out both the MIAM requirement and circumstances in which exemptions apply. GOV.UK Justice
Possible exemptions can apply in circumstances including certain cases involving domestic abuse, risk of harm, urgency or other specified situations. The precise rules matter, so you shouldn’t assume that either attending a MIAM or claiming an exemption applies solely from reading a general guide online. GOV.UK
There is another distinction worth making:
Attending a MIAM does not mean you are agreeing to mediation itself.
The MIAM is where mediation and other options are considered and suitability is assessed. Family mediation itself is a voluntary process: both people need to agree to take part. GOV.UK
That distinction often makes the process feel much less daunting.
Step 2: Is mediation safe and suitable?
This is one of the most important parts of the entire process.
Family mediation isn’t based on the assumption that every separating couple should simply “sit down and talk”.
The mediator considers whether the process can operate appropriately in your particular circumstances. If there has been domestic abuse, safeguarding concerns or another issue affecting safe participation, mediation may not be suitable, or the mediator may need to consider whether a different format is appropriate. GOV.UK explicitly notes that a mediator can decide mediation is not right for a case, including where domestic abuse means court may be more appropriate. GOV.UK
Where mediation is suitable, there can still be flexibility in how it happens.
You don’t necessarily have to sit opposite your ex-partner
This surprises a lot of people.
Mediation can take place face-to-face or remotely, and GOV.UK guidance confirms that participants do not necessarily have to be in the same room or on the same call. GOV.UK
Depending on the case and the mediator’s assessment, arrangements can include:
- mediation together;
- online mediation;
- participants being in separate rooms; or
- forms of shuttle mediation, where the mediator works between participants rather than everyone having the discussion together.
The aim isn’t to create an artificial confrontation.
It’s to create an environment in which useful, informed and constructive discussion can actually happen.
And once the mediator is satisfied that mediation is appropriate — and both of you decide that you want to proceed — the process moves from assessing whether mediation could work to the part most people picture when they hear the word mediation:
the mediation sessions themselves.
Step 3: Your first mediation session
Once the MIAMs have taken place, the mediator has decided that mediation is safe and suitable, and both of you want to continue, you can move on to the mediation sessions themselves.
This is where the process becomes much more practical.
Your first mediation meeting isn’t a courtroom hearing. Nobody is there to cross-examine you, decide who was right or wrong in the relationship, or declare a winner.
Instead, the mediator helps you establish a clear mediation agenda.
In plain English: what actually needs sorting out?
For one family, the answer might be almost entirely about the children. For another, the immediate concern may be the family home, savings and pensions. For many separating couples, several issues overlap.
A typical agenda might include:
- where the children will live;
- how much time they will spend with each parent;
- arrangements for weekends and school holidays;
- how parents will communicate about the children;
- what happens to the family home;
- savings, debts and pensions;
- maintenance and other ongoing financial responsibilities; and
- how any proposals will be taken forward after mediation.
The point of establishing an agenda is deceptively important.
Without one, conversations following a separation can jump from one disagreement to another. A discussion about collecting the children on Friday can suddenly become an argument about something that happened three years ago.
Mediation gives the conversation boundaries.
You don’t have to resolve everything at once. The process helps break a complicated separation into individual questions that can be considered one at a time.
That doesn’t mean difficult subjects suddenly become easy. It means there is a structure for dealing with them.
What does the family mediator actually do?
This is probably the most misunderstood part of how family mediation works.
A family mediator isn’t a judge.
They aren’t your solicitor.
And they aren’t there to tell either person what they should agree to.
Instead, the mediator manages the process and helps both participants have a constructive discussion.
That can involve:
- making sure each person has an opportunity to speak;
- identifying the issues that need resolving;
- keeping discussions focused;
- helping clarify areas of disagreement;
- identifying areas where you already agree;
- helping you explore different options;
- asking questions that may reveal practical problems with a proposal;
- helping you consider the needs of your children;
- managing the pace of discussions; and
- recording proposals when progress is made.
An impartial mediator doesn’t take sides.
That remains true even if one participant presents an option that the other person strongly dislikes.
The mediator can help you examine the implications of different options, but the eventual decisions remain yours.
Does the mediator give legal advice?
There is an important distinction between providing useful information and giving one person individual legal advice.
A mediator can provide information relevant to the discussions and help both participants understand the issues being considered. But mediation is different from having a solicitor advise you individually about your own legal position.
That is why independent legal advice can still have an important place alongside mediation, particularly when financial proposals are being considered or when you want to turn proposals reached through mediation into a legally binding arrangement.
Think of the two roles as different rather than competing:
the mediator helps you negotiate; your solicitor or legal adviser can advise you individually.
Step 4: Working through child arrangements
For parents, one of the biggest questions following separation is often:
What happens with the children now?
This can be an emotionally charged part of the separation, partly because there isn’t one arrangement that automatically works for every family.
Children have different ages, personalities, schools, routines and needs. Parents have different working patterns, homes and practical circumstances.
Mediation allows parents to work through those realities rather than simply talking in broad terms about “contact” or “custody”.
What child arrangements can be discussed?
Depending on the family, discussions might cover:
- where children live;
- the time they spend with each parent;
- weekday and weekend arrangements;
- school drop-offs and collections;
- school holidays;
- birthdays;
- Christmas and other significant occasions;
- telephone and video contact;
- childcare;
- school-related decisions;
- healthcare;
- activities and hobbies;
- travel and holidays abroad;
- communication between parents;
- introducing practical consistency between two homes; and
- what happens when arrangements need to change.
This is where parenting arrangements can become much more detailed than simply deciding how many nights a child spends in each household.
Imagine, for example, that two parents initially agree:
“The children will stay with Dad every other weekend.”
It sounds straightforward.
But what time does the weekend begin? Who collects them? Where does the handover happen? What happens if Friday is a school inset day? What happens during the six-week summer holiday? Who has Christmas morning this year? What happens if one parent wants to take the children abroad?
Those smaller questions are often where future disagreements emerge.
A useful mediation process therefore tries to turn broad intentions into arrangements that can actually work in everyday life.
Creating a parenting plan
Where parents reach proposals about their children, these can be developed into a parenting plan.
A parenting plan can provide a practical framework for life after separation.
It might record arrangements concerning:
- where the children will spend their time;
- school holidays and special occasions;
- how handovers will work;
- how parents will communicate;
- important decisions about education and health;
- travel arrangements;
- financial responsibilities connected with the children; and
- how parents will deal with future changes or disagreements.
The objective isn’t to predict every possible situation until the children turn 18.
Life changes.
Children get older. School timetables change. Parents’ working arrangements change. Families move house. Teenagers develop their own social lives and increasingly strong opinions about where they want to be.
A sensible co-parenting arrangement therefore needs enough clarity to reduce uncertainty without becoming so rigid that it cannot cope with ordinary family life.
Are the children involved in mediation?
Family mediation is usually conducted between the adults, but the children’s needs remain an important consideration throughout discussions about parenting arrangements.
There is also a process commonly referred to as child-inclusive mediation.
This does not mean putting a child in the middle of their parents’ dispute or asking them to decide which parent is “right”.
Rather, where appropriate, it can provide a carefully managed way for a child’s views to be heard within the mediation process.
Whether that approach is appropriate depends on the individual circumstances, including matters such as the child’s age and the mediator’s assessment.
The distinction matters.
Children can have views about arrangements that directly affect their everyday lives, while responsibility for resolving adult disagreements should remain with the adults.
Keeping discussions focused on children’s needs
Separation can make it difficult to distinguish between what happened in the adult relationship and what children need from their parents afterwards.
A mediator can help bring the conversation back to practical questions such as:
What will make this arrangement workable for the children?
How much travelling does it involve?
Does it work around school?
How will they maintain meaningful relationships with the important people in their lives?
Is the proposed routine realistic?
How will parents communicate when something changes?
These aren’t questions with identical answers for every family.
The purpose of mediation is to help parents explore an arrangement appropriate to their circumstances.
What if we already agree about some things?
That’s perfectly possible — and useful.
You don’t need to arrive at mediation disagreeing about everything.
Perhaps you already agree where the children will live but can’t settle holiday arrangements. Maybe the parenting arrangements are largely working, but money remains unresolved.
Mediation can focus on the outstanding issues.
Likewise, you don’t necessarily need to reach agreement on every single subject for the process to have achieved something useful.
A partial agreement can narrow the areas still in dispute.
For example, two parents might reach proposals about:
- the normal weekly routine;
- school holidays; and
- communication about the children,
while still needing more time to consider Christmas arrangements.
Resolving three issues rather than four still reduces the amount left to sort out.
This is an important point because family mediation isn’t an all-or-nothing exercise.
Step 5: Financial mediation — working out what exists before deciding what happens to it
When mediation concerns finances, there is usually another important stage before meaningful negotiations can take place:
financial disclosure.
The phrase can sound intimidating.
The principle behind it is straightforward.
Before two people can sensibly discuss how finances might be dealt with following separation or divorce, there needs to be a reasonably clear picture of the financial circumstances.
That can mean looking at matters such as:
- income;
- bank accounts;
- savings;
- investments;
- property;
- mortgages;
- debts;
- pensions;
- business interests where relevant;
- other assets and liabilities; and
- ongoing financial commitments.
This process is commonly described as full financial disclosure.
Why is financial disclosure necessary?
Consider a simple example.
A separating couple wants to discuss what should happen to their family home. But they haven’t established the outstanding mortgage, what other savings exist, what each person’s income is or whether there are significant debts elsewhere.
It would be difficult to explore realistic options because crucial pieces of the financial picture are missing.
Disclosure gives the discussion a factual starting point.
First establish what exists. Then explore what could happen to it.
That doesn’t mean mediation automatically divides everything equally, and it doesn’t mean the mediator decides what anyone receives.
The mediator’s role is to help participants work with the financial information and explore possible proposals.
What documents might be needed for financial mediation?
Exactly what is required will depend on the circumstances.
For a relatively straightforward financial situation, the information may be quite different from a case involving several properties, businesses or substantial pensions.
Documents and information can potentially relate to areas such as:
| Financial area | Examples of information that may be relevant |
|---|---|
| Income | Earnings and other sources of income |
| Property | The family home and other properties |
| Mortgages | Outstanding borrowing secured against property |
| Savings | Bank and savings accounts |
| Investments | Relevant investment holdings |
| Pensions | Pension arrangements and values |
| Debts | Loans, credit and other liabilities |
| Businesses | Relevant business interests |
| Outgoings | Current and anticipated expenditure |
The mediator can explain what information is required for the mediation process in your particular case.
One practical tip is worth remembering:
don’t leave gathering financial information until the night before a session.
Pension information, valuations and other documents can sometimes take time to obtain. Preparing early can help avoid unnecessary delays.
Does financial disclosure mean agreeing to a financial settlement?
No.
Disclosure and negotiation are different stages.
Providing financial information doesn’t mean you have agreed what should happen to the family home, pensions, savings or anything else.
It means you are establishing the information needed to have an informed discussion.
Once the relevant financial picture is sufficiently clear, mediation can move into exploring options.
For example:
Could one person remain in the family home?
If so, is that financially realistic?
Could the property be sold?
What would each person need afterwards?
How might pensions affect the overall picture?
What ongoing financial commitments need considering?
What are each person’s future housing needs?
Instead of immediately defending one fixed position, mediation encourages participants to examine different possibilities and their practical consequences.
That brings the process to one of its most important stages.
Step 6: Exploring options rather than arguing positions
There is a significant difference between a position and an option.
A position sounds like this:
“I’m keeping the house.”
An option-based discussion asks:
“What different ways could we deal with the house, and what would each option mean for both of us?”
That change in language matters.
Suppose one person wants to remain in the family home because they want stability for the children.
The underlying concern may therefore be housing stability, rather than ownership of that particular building at any cost.
Once that concern is understood, several options might potentially be explored.
Likewise, a disagreement about the children’s weekly routine may actually be driven by school travel, shift patterns or a parent’s concern about maintaining regular time with them.
A trained mediator can help identify those underlying issues.
This doesn’t guarantee that you’ll agree.
It does, however, create more room for constructive discussion than simply repeating two incompatible demands.
What if discussions become difficult?
They can.
Family mediation deals with subjects that matter enormously to people: children, homes, financial security and the practical consequences of a relationship ending.
Nobody should expect every conversation to be effortless.
Part of the mediator’s role is to manage those discussions and maintain appropriate ground rules.
That might mean slowing a conversation down, clarifying what someone has said, bringing the discussion back to the agreed agenda, or taking one issue at a time rather than allowing several disagreements to become tangled together.
Depending on the circumstances and suitability assessment, different formats may also be considered where direct joint discussion isn’t appropriate.
The aim isn’t to remove every disagreement.
It’s to give disagreement somewhere productive to go.
What happens when you start reaching proposals?
This is where mediation begins moving from discussion towards a possible outcome.
Perhaps you’ve reached a workable parenting arrangement.
Perhaps, after considering several financial options, you’ve found a proposal that both of you believe could work.
Or perhaps you’ve resolved most matters but have one or two outstanding issues.
At this point, it’s important to understand the difference between:
- discussing an idea;
- reaching proposals in mediation;
- recording a mediated agreement; and
- creating a legally binding agreement.
Those aren’t necessarily the same thing.
And this is where terms such as Memorandum of Understanding, Open Financial Statement, consent order and independent legal advice become relevant.
Despite the formal names, the next stage can also be explained in straightforward English.
Step 7: Recording what you have agreed
Reaching proposals in mediation can feel like the finishing line.
In reality, there is usually one more important stage: recording the outcome properly and deciding what needs to happen next.
Exactly what documentation is produced will depend on what you have been mediating about.
For example, arrangements concerning children may be recorded differently from proposals dealing with property, savings and pensions.
This is also where some unfamiliar terminology can appear.
Two phrases you may encounter in financial mediation are:
- Memorandum of Understanding (MOU); and
- Open Financial Statement (OFS).
The names sound technical. Their purpose is easier to understand.
What is a Memorandum of Understanding?
A Memorandum of Understanding, often shortened to MOU, records proposals reached during mediation.
In simple terms, it provides a written record of the outcome.
Suppose you have spent several mediation sessions discussing the family home, savings, pensions and other financial arrangements.
During those meetings, different options may have been considered and refined until you reached proposals you could both accept.
Rather than relying on everybody’s memory of what was said, the outcome can be documented.
That is important because a mediated proposal and a legally binding court order are not automatically the same thing.
A useful way to think about it: mediation helps you work out what you propose to do; the appropriate legal process can then be used to formalise those proposals where necessary.
This distinction is particularly important with financial arrangements following divorce.
What is an Open Financial Statement?
Where mediation concerns finances, you may also encounter an Open Financial Statement.
This document records the financial information disclosed during the mediation process.
Remember the financial disclosure stage from Part 2?
That was where information concerning matters such as:
- income;
- property;
- mortgages;
- savings;
- investments;
- pensions;
- debts; and
- other assets and liabilities
was gathered to establish the financial picture.
The Open Financial Statement (OFS) records that financial information.
This is separate from the document recording the proposals that have emerged from mediation.
That separation makes sense.
One document concerns what the financial circumstances are.
The other concerns what you propose should happen next.
Is a family mediation agreement legally binding?
This is one of the most important questions to understand before entering mediation.
Reaching proposals in mediation does not necessarily mean that you have immediately created a legally binding agreement.
That isn’t a flaw in the process.
It gives participants an opportunity to obtain independent legal advice about proposals before taking appropriate steps to formalise them.
For financial matters connected with divorce or dissolution, proposals can potentially be incorporated into a consent order and submitted to the court for approval.
Once approved by the court, the order is legally binding.
The exact legal steps required depend on the circumstances, so this is an area where individual legal advice can be particularly important.
Step 8: Getting independent legal advice
People sometimes assume that choosing mediation means they cannot use a solicitor.
That’s not the case.
Mediation and legal advice can work alongside one another.
The roles are simply different.
Your mediator must remain impartial. They cannot become one person’s legal representative against the other.
Your own solicitor or legal adviser, on the other hand, can advise you about your individual legal position.
That can be useful:
- before mediation;
- between mediation sessions;
- when you are considering financial proposals;
- after proposals have been reached; and
- when legal documents need preparing.
You don’t necessarily need a solicitor sitting beside you throughout every mediation conversation for legal advice to play an important role in the overall process.
Why might legal advice be useful before finalising proposals?
Imagine you and your former partner have developed a proposed financial settlement.
On the surface, you are both comfortable with it.
But the proposals involve the family home, a pension and a clean break between you.
Before taking the final legal steps, you may each want advice about the implications.
That doesn’t mean starting negotiations from scratch.
It means understanding what you are proposing before making it legally binding.
How does a consent order fit into the mediation process?
A consent order is a court order based on terms that the parties have agreed.
In the context of divorce finances, a solicitor can potentially use the proposals reached through mediation as the basis for preparing a financial consent order.
The order is then submitted to the court for consideration.
This is an important distinction:
the mediator does not simply stamp your proposals and turn them into a court order.
Mediation is the dispute-resolution process that can help you develop the proposals.
The appropriate legal process is then used to formalise them.
Depending on the circumstances, this may include provisions dealing with property, money, pensions, maintenance and a financial clean break.
This is why the question “Is family mediation legally binding?” needs a slightly more nuanced answer than yes or no.
The discussions and proposals developed in mediation are one part of the journey. If a legally enforceable financial outcome is required, additional legal steps may follow.
What about agreements concerning children?
Arrangements concerning children are different from financial settlements.
Many separated parents are able to make and follow parenting arrangements without asking a court to turn those arrangements into an order.
The important thing is that the arrangements are practical, sufficiently clear and focused on the children’s needs.
A parenting plan can help record what has been decided.
It might cover:
- the normal weekly routine;
- weekends;
- school holidays;
- birthdays and Christmas;
- handovers;
- communication;
- education;
- healthcare;
- holidays abroad; and
- how future changes will be discussed.
If you need advice about the legal status of child arrangements in your particular circumstances, you should obtain appropriate legal advice.
Mediation itself remains focused on helping parents explore whether they can reach workable arrangements without unnecessary conflict.
Step 9: What if mediation doesn’t work?
Sometimes people go into mediation believing there are only two possible outcomes:
either we agree about absolutely everything, or mediation has failed.
Real life isn’t quite that tidy.
There are several possible mediation outcomes.
You might:
- reach agreement on everything;
- reach a partial agreement while some issues remain unresolved;
- need time or further information before continuing;
- decide not to continue with mediation; or
- reach a point where the mediator concludes that continuing is no longer appropriate or productive.
So, if mediation doesn’t work, it doesn’t necessarily mean every conversation you had was wasted.
Suppose you entered mediation disagreeing about six separate issues concerning the children and resolved five.
You now have one unresolved issue instead of six.
Likewise, financial mediation may establish a clear picture through full financial disclosure even if you cannot ultimately agree how every asset should be dealt with.
Narrowing the dispute can still be valuable.
What happens after unsuccessful mediation?
If some or all issues remain unresolved, the next step depends on the circumstances.
Possible options can include obtaining further legal advice, considering another appropriate form of non-court dispute resolution (NCDR), or making a court application where necessary.
Family mediation is one form of non-court dispute resolution, but it isn’t the only possible route.
The important thing is to avoid assuming that every unresolved disagreement automatically has only one next step.
Your mediator can provide information about possible routes, while a solicitor can advise you individually about the options relevant to your circumstances.
Can you still go to family court after mediation?
Yes.
Taking part in mediation does not remove your ability to make an appropriate application to the family court if matters remain unresolved.
Likewise, trying mediation isn’t a promise that you must agree.
The objective is to see whether an out-of-court agreement can be reached safely and appropriately.
Where that isn’t possible, court proceedings may remain an option.
In many relevant family proceedings, MIAM requirements must also be considered before a court application is made, subject to the applicable exemptions discussed earlier in this guide.
Is family mediation confidential?
Confidentiality is an important feature of family mediation.
People need to be able to explore possible solutions without feeling that every suggestion automatically becomes a final commitment.
There are, however, important qualifications and exceptions, particularly around matters such as safeguarding and disclosure of financial information.
Financial mediation also distinguishes between confidential discussions around possible proposals and the open financial information used to establish the financial circumstances.
Your mediator should explain how confidentiality works, including its limits, before substantive mediation begins.
If anything is unclear, ask.
You should understand the rules of the process you are entering rather than feeling you have to decode them as you go along.
How long does family mediation take?
There isn’t one fixed mediation timeline.
How long mediation takes depends on factors including:
- how many issues need resolving;
- whether the case concerns children, finances or both;
- how complicated the financial circumstances are;
- how quickly required information can be obtained;
- whether property or pension information is needed;
- the level of disagreement;
- how far apart the participants’ initial positions are; and
- how much progress can reasonably be made during each meeting.
Some families have relatively straightforward issues to resolve.
Others need several mediation sessions.
A case involving a weekly parenting schedule is clearly different from a financial case involving several properties, business interests and multiple pensions.
So be wary of anyone treating the number of mediation sessions as a guaranteed formula.
The better question is:
What needs to be completed before informed proposals can be reached?
How can I prepare for family mediation?
Good preparation doesn’t mean arriving with a rehearsed argument.
It means making the session easier to use productively.
Before mediation, it can help to:
- write down the issues you believe need resolving;
- think about your priorities;
- distinguish between what you want and what you genuinely need;
- consider the practical needs of the children;
- gather requested financial information promptly;
- make a note of questions you want to ask;
- think about possible options rather than only one preferred outcome; and
- obtain independent legal advice where appropriate.
For financial mediation in particular, having requested documents ready can prevent avoidable delays.
If you are asked for pension information, bank statements or property details, start gathering them early.
Preparation isn’t about “winning” the mediation.
It is about having enough information to make the discussion useful.
How much does family mediation cost?
The cost of family mediation depends on the service used, the type of mediation required and the number of sessions needed.
There may be charges associated with the MIAM, subsequent mediation sessions and, depending on the circumstances, preparation of relevant documentation.
Because cases vary, it’s sensible to understand the charging structure before starting.
Children 1st Mediation publishes its current mediation costs and fees so that you can see the applicable charges and what they cover.
Is legal aid available for family mediation?
Depending on your circumstances and eligibility, legal aid may be available for family mediation.
Eligibility is subject to the applicable rules, including financial criteria.
If you think you may qualify, raise this when contacting a mediation provider rather than assuming either that you are eligible or that you are not.
What is the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme?
The Family Mediation Voucher Scheme was introduced to support eligible families with the cost of mediation in cases involving children.
Where a case qualifies and funding is available, a family mediation voucher can contribute towards eligible mediation costs.
Not every case automatically qualifies, and the availability and rules of the scheme can change.
Your mediator can explain whether the scheme is currently available and whether your case may be eligible.
It is worth asking about this early in the process rather than waiting until several sessions have already taken place.
Family mediation process: a plain-English recap
We’ve covered a lot, so here is the whole mediation process step by step without the jargon.
1. You contact a mediator
You explain that you need help resolving issues following separation or divorce.
2. You attend a MIAM
This is your private Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting.
You explain what is happening, learn about mediation and discuss whether it may be appropriate.
3. The mediator assesses suitability
The mediator considers whether mediation is safe and suitable, including any safeguarding or domestic abuse concerns.
4. Mediation sessions begin
If mediation is appropriate and both participants wish to continue, sessions are arranged.
These may take place online, face-to-face or using another suitable format.
5. You decide what needs sorting out
This becomes the mediation agenda.
It might involve children, finances, property or a mixture of issues.
6. Necessary information is gathered
For financial mediation, this can involve full financial disclosure covering income, property, savings, pensions, debts and other assets and liabilities.
7. You explore possible solutions
The mediator helps you move beyond fixed positions and consider different options.
8. You develop proposals
If you find arrangements you can both accept, those proposals can be recorded.
9. Relevant documents are prepared
Depending on the case, this may include a parenting plan, Memorandum of Understanding or Open Financial Statement.
10. You obtain legal advice where appropriate
Your solicitor can advise you independently about proposals and their legal implications.
11. Legal formalisation can follow
Where necessary, agreed financial proposals may be used as the basis for preparing a consent order for consideration by the court.
That’s the process.
Not quite as mysterious as the terminology initially makes it sound.
Family mediation FAQs
Do we have to be in the same room?
Not necessarily.
Depending on suitability and the arrangements made with the mediator, mediation can take place online, together or using separate arrangements such as shuttle mediation.
Will the mediator tell us who is right?
No.
A neutral mediator or impartial mediator doesn’t decide which participant is right or wrong. Their role is to manage the process and help you explore whether workable proposals can be reached.
Can the mediator make my ex-partner agree?
No.
Family mediation is a voluntary process. The mediator facilitates discussion but does not impose an outcome.
What happens at the first mediation meeting?
If by “first meeting” you mean the MIAM, it is primarily an assessment and information meeting.
If mediation then proceeds, the first substantive mediation session will usually begin establishing the issues to be discussed and the process for dealing with them.
What should I bring to mediation?
Follow the mediator’s instructions.
For financial mediation, you may be asked to provide specific financial documents and information. For children matters, it may help to have practical information such as school schedules and existing arrangements available.
Do I need a solicitor for mediation?
You don’t necessarily need a solicitor participating in the mediation sessions themselves, but independent legal advice can be important at various stages.
Your mediator and your solicitor perform different roles.
Can we mediate if we are already divorced?
Potentially, yes.
Family mediation isn’t restricted to couples who have only just separated. It can be used to address suitable unresolved family issues after separation or divorce.
Can mediation stop us going to court?
Mediation can help people reach agreements without asking a court to decide the disputed issues for them.
It cannot guarantee an agreement, however, and court proceedings remain available where appropriate.
What if my ex refuses mediation?
A mediator cannot force somebody to participate in voluntary mediation.
If the other person does not wish to proceed, you may need to consider the other options available to you and obtain legal advice where appropriate.
Can mediation deal with children and money at the same time?
Yes, depending on the circumstances and suitability of the case.
Some mediations concern child arrangements only, some focus on finances, and others need to address both.
Is family mediation worth considering?
That is ultimately a decision for the people involved, based on their individual circumstances.
What mediation offers is a structured opportunity to see whether disputes arising from separation can be resolved through informed discussion rather than having every unresolved question determined elsewhere.
It gives separating couples an environment in which they can identify the issues, exchange necessary information, explore options and work towards their own proposals with the assistance of a trained, impartial professional.
It can be particularly useful when you want to move away from conversations that keep circling back to the same argument.
Because mediation asks a different question.
Not:
“Who won the argument?”
But:
“What needs to happen from here?”
For parents, that can mean creating workable arrangements around the children.
For financial mediation, it can mean understanding the complete financial picture before considering property, pensions, savings, debts and future needs.
And for both, it can mean testing whether there is a route forward without asking a court to make every decision.
Ready to understand your next step?
If you’re separating, divorcing or struggling to resolve arrangements involving your children or finances, you don’t need to understand every mediation term before speaking to someone.
That’s partly what the initial meeting is for.
You can explain what’s happening, ask questions about the process and find out whether mediation may be suitable for your circumstances.
The family mediation process is much easier to understand once the jargon is removed:
you establish what needs resolving, gather the information you need, discuss the options and see whether you can find a workable way forward.
If you would like to discuss your circumstances with Children 1st Mediation, you can contact Children 1st Mediation to take the next step.